Connecting the... Hearts

Everyone I know has pain in their hearts.

Sigh.

For me, sharing how I feel is hard. That's part of why this blog stretches me as a person. Because here I am, bearing my soul to anyone who dares to read it. But there is something really neat about connecting at this heart level.

Whenever I dare to have the courage to share what is really, truly going on, I find that others have also been through what I am going through and have felt what I am currently feeling. And it goes the other way too- as I listen to others, I can affirm that they are not alone in their journey.

This morning, I was reading a short devotional. The past few days have been talking about Abraham, when he was about to sacrifice his son, Isaac. God called him to do this, and even though it was CRAZY, good ole Abe took his son for a sacrificial hike. Yikes... But of course, God stopped him in the nick of time (as he was like, about to shank his kid), and told him to sacrifice the ram that was caught in a bush nearby.

Wow. Well, this story has always been one to get me on the edge of my seat and pick up my heartbeat with a dose and a half of adrenaline! But the interesting part was what the devotional pointed out.

First, it paralleled what Abraham went through to what the heart of God went through as He sacrificed His Only Son. The author highlighted that Abraham had the neat opportunity to feel and understand at the heart level- the kind of level that is deep and experiential- what it would be like to sacrifice a dear, beloved son.

Second, it showed that Abraham had to sacrifice holding onto an answered promise. You see, Abe had been longing for and praying for and waiting for this son. It was a process of faith to believe, receive and then to be willing to sacrifice that which he had hoped for for such a long time.

And thirdly, Abraham experienced that when we come to God, He provides the surrogate sacrifice to justly fulfill our needs. The need to make a sacrifice will always be a gap in our life UNTIL we come to Christ, who has paid to fill it for us.

So here's the thing. Lately I have felt like God has shown me some old promises that I had let grow dusty in my heart. Things I have prayed for, hoped for, longed for- just like Abraham and his longed for son. I felt like God finally was answering my prayers, filling that long-awaited promise and there it was, right in front of me!! I had so much excitement and anticipation!

Then (I know, there's a 'then'), He asked me if I was willing to lay it down yet again. To wait, even though there was a good thing in front of me... would I be willing to wait for the Best thing? My heart was torn in two. Really God? Wait longer? Really? Walk this promise up the mountain, and lay it on an altar in complete surrender and abandon because I want you more than this high hope and filled promise? And then feel the pain and even grief of letting go while facing the pressure of the onlookers who can't make sense of this crazy gesture of faith- even as I myself question it???

Yet all I can say is 'yes.'

And while I have chosen to say yes, there are days that it makes me sad. Yet, there are days that I am walking on a suspension of faith and peace and hope and promise and I can feel it strengthening the fibers of my very heart and soul.

I still struggle to explain this all, but I am starting to see that I don't need to know why- God doesn't owe me that, He is God! All I need to know is that He is Good. And He is showing me His Heart.


Like Abraham, as I come to understand the pain in my heart, I can come to a deeper understanding of the Father's Truth and Goodness. I can know that He provides for my needs, no matter how deep. And I know that He fills my gaps.

Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice, and for using something so painful to become a connecting point between Your heart and mine.

Love,
Mel xoxo