Comments on a Longfellow Poem

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;

rains, and the wind is never weary;

The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,

But at every gust the dead leaves fall,

And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark and dreary;

It rains, and the wind is never weary;

My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past.

But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast.

And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;

Behind the clouds is the sun still shining,

Thy fate is the common fate of all,

Into each life some rain must fall,

Some days must be dark and dreary.

-Henry W. Longfellow 

Commentary: 11/23

My favorite lines are:

"The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,

But at every gust the dead leaves fall;" 

I feel it resembles to the mould we often cling to for security in life, the status quo, the comforts of following what is common or expected. Change is when the gusty winds come. When in the maze of life, they move the cheese. These shifts chip away, sometimes gently blowing off chaff & other times the winds are indeed gusty, arid and rough. Either way- what remains is what is meant to stay. The essence of the vine that outlasts the days, which are short, stays. It endures past the days. Past the winds. Past thoughts, and hopes, and sadness.  

"Behind the clouds is the sun still shining..."

My heart and mind and body are again in transition. Perhaps, as readers, you are tired of hearing it? I am weary of living it! But again I am reminded that I serve a steady God who holds the world in His hands. ME INCLUDED.

In the last few weeks:

• I quit my job at the Denver Dream Center
• Tried to find a new place to live 
• Flew home for my brother's 20th Birthday
• Talked to my boyfriend about doing long-distance or parting ways romantically
• Flew back to Denver
• Interviewed for several jobs
• Packed my belongings into my Honda Accord
• Drove to Utah for a business conference
• Began putting action behind a business plan and idea to form an LLC
• Drove back to California with my mom
• Applied to more jobs
• Flew to Indiana
• Said yes to a speaking engagement for my church's youth group in California

I am emotionally exhausted!!

Have you ever seen a forest that has either been cleared for timber, or burned to the ground for crops/because of a fire? It makes a way for new growth.

My belongings are being pared down. My emotions are being fine tuned. And I feel super duper let down. I have big dreams! But I just moved back home with my parents? I am sleeping on the couch? That is not what I pictured for myself. This is not thriving. This is plan B- actually, it's my backup-backup plan! So I have been wrestling with feeling incredible disappointment in myself. How come I couldn't kick butt straight out of the gates of college? I have doubted if it is worth it. And Denver? Was that a waste because right now all it feels like was a burrito of hard, exhausting lessons that I would have rather learned literally any other way...

These are the thoughts running through my mind! Pulsing through, carving hopelessness into my brain synapses. And you know what? I have so much to be grateful for? Sure, I am at what I felt like was plan D. And things are not as I expected. However, I have my eyes set on the disappointments. I am looking at the gap between expectations and where I am now. Let me tell you (and me) something: THERE IS NOTHING IN THAT GAP. 

Nothing productive. 

But maybe there actually is something in the gap... I have space now to release all that hinders. I can restructure and refocus. Actually- I kind of have no choice. I don't have much left, and I must rebuild. Rebuilding is scary. It is terrifying because for me, I feel like retracting to rebuild means I failed the first "building," so how can I trust myself to do anything good this time?

I think that is why this poem by Henry Longfellow spoke to me this week. I am not left with nothing. I have tools from the last "building project." I know more about what to do & what not to do- what I can include in the structure of building my life of faith that grows me spiritually. I also see more clearly that the people in my life matter most. They remained. The ones that needed to stayed, anyway. And the ones I parted with- I love with fond memories. And that is okay!

I am left with this resolve in my soul- this gritty hopefulness that is rising up from the ground, coming out from what feels like ashes, and am looking at the building ground. Where I am doesn't look like much to me right now. But what it does look like is that the ground is being cleared to rebuild again. It looks like behind the clouds, the sun is still shining. 

So as we dive into the season of gratitude and family time, may we soak in the celebration of the people in our lives and the blessings we do have, right in front of us!

Happy Thanksgiving y'all!

Love,

Melissa Marie xoxo