All For Love, Or Nothing For Love
I am having a hard time writing this. I am afraid of love. For those of you who personally know me, you might perceive that I love to love people... but it wasn't always like that.
This month is Valentine's Day, so love is a popular topic. Single people often feel pressure, loneliness, heartache, etc. Actually, I tend to think that plenty of people feel those emotions- Valentine's Day or not! And I love to ask the question: "Why?"
Growing up, I sometimes felt unloved. (Not unlovable, Ben Higgins, just a bit unloved.) I felt like I had to do something to earn love by peers, friends, teachers, authority figures, parents, etc. I had to be smart or funny for peers. I had to make friends happy. I had to perform for teachers, be obedient to authority figures, and behave myself for my parents. I felt afraid that if I didn't meet those expectations, I would somehow be disqualified of their love.
But after some turbulent early friendships growing up, I realized that I couldn't meet all of those expectations. And so, for a while, I just didn't want friends. I would walk around the playground by myself, just watching the other kids laugh and play, thinking and believing I wasn't good enough. Not good enough for friendships, love, or any balanced, "two-way-street" companionship.
Then my Sunday School teacher told me that Jesus was my friend. This was so simple, but I began to imagine Jesus as my companion and I didn't feel so lonely walking around the playground. However, I would still believe that I was not quite good enough to be loved completely by people or by Jesus. I had copied and pasted what I had experienced about relationships into my relationship with God.
Fast forward to my young adulthood (right now); I am learning that God doesn't love us for what we do. He loves us because we ARE. He loves us knowing that we might very well not love him back. He knows that some of us will consider Him as "not good enough" to spend the time to love him. But God loves us anyway.
Christ loved others who hated him. He loved people who rejected him and left him alone, who denied him, who betrayed him, I would even say he loved people who were there just for what was in it for them (like when he fed the crowd the loaves and fish). I need to love those who might hate me, reject me, deny me, betray me, and just want to be with me to see what's in it for them. Doesn't that sound a bit crazy? There is definitely a part of me that says, "Wait a minute. I am supposed to care about people and love people who can hurt my heart? Who will treat me like trash?" Here is what I believe God would say, thus far in my personal journey:
I believe Jesus was able to love those people because he didn't hold expectations on the recipients of His love. He just GAVE his love. No expectation for anything in return.
{Disclaimer: At this point, I am not talking about romantic love, just to be clear! I am talking about loving/caring deeply/sacrificing for other people. Brotherly love, which is a lot like the love for a best friend or family member. Okay, keep reading! :) }
As for loving those who can hurt my heart, I think that can be prevented too. The determining factor of whether it will hurt my heart to love someone comes from where that love is coming from. If I love someone who will hurt me (emotionally, verbally, etc.) from my own strength and mustering it up in my own heart, yeah- it's going to hurt. It will feel like a hunk of my heart is ripped out, stomped on, and thrown into a blender of agony to be pulverized to a ruthless pulp.
But if the love I give away is not from myself, but I am simply passing it on from a Greater Source (God), then I have nothing to loose. I am a messenger. Kind of like a cute little cupid delivering a love message!
The cool thing is that we get to deliver God's love to others. If they reject it, it doesn't have to be personal. If they accept it; however, we get to share in that joy with them and with the Lord. Yay for the joys of life! If they "treat me like trash" as I mentioned earlier- well, we share in Christ's sufferings and are not left alone in those moments. Christ is our companion in all the moments of joy & sorrow & compassion & love.
My personal experience learning about love has been an interesting one. This journey has taken me down some (seemingly) lonesome paths, some great moments of enlightenment, and has cultivated a compassionate heart that wants to show people love. Sometimes, I am still afraid to love. I am afraid that people will say they will never leave me, never stop loving me, and will always be with me. And while yes, there have definitely been people in my life who have said those things and ended up breaking my heart, it has shown me this: People will fail me. They don't always hold to their promises and sometimes they just want to be with you to see what they can get from you. But I have decided that Christ is the ONLY ONE who does not break those promises.
He will never leave me.
He won't stop loving me- ever.
He will always be with me.
I decided that I don't want to view who God is completely based on what other people in my life are like. While God can shine His Character through people, I need to seek Him and a relationship with Him without those prejudices. Furthermore, through Christ gently reminding me that there is no fear in love, I am becoming more and more able to love others. I can love others without fear because I can love them without being hurt by unfair expectation I might be putting on them. I can also love people who absolutely don't deserve it.
When I lean on Christ, I am not afraid of love. I am not afraid because that love cannot be taken away and it cannot be lost. I have nothing to loose.
In a sense, we all need love. (The Beatles had that right!.. cue "All you need is love.") That's why a lot of people feel loneliness and hearts full of ache. Their heart cup needs to be filled up with love.
I just want to encourage you. You are qualified to be loved. You are qualified to be loved right now, right where you are, reading this. Your love cup can overflow with love from the One who loves perfectly and completely. You do not have to be afraid of love anymore. You won't be disqualified from the Most Perfect Love.
We have a God that wants to be our companion. Who wants to love us. He wants us to know that we are loved. The greatest commandment is to love and be loved.
May God guard your heart.
May any fears of love dissipate in your life and may you learn and grow in a love that is greater that yourself.
May you show others a love that has nothing to loose, but everything to gain.
Love (Ironically, but not),
Melissa XOXO
P.S. Shout-out to my friend Deepshika! YOU ARE LOVED!
This month is Valentine's Day, so love is a popular topic. Single people often feel pressure, loneliness, heartache, etc. Actually, I tend to think that plenty of people feel those emotions- Valentine's Day or not! And I love to ask the question: "Why?"
Growing up, I sometimes felt unloved. (Not unlovable, Ben Higgins, just a bit unloved.) I felt like I had to do something to earn love by peers, friends, teachers, authority figures, parents, etc. I had to be smart or funny for peers. I had to make friends happy. I had to perform for teachers, be obedient to authority figures, and behave myself for my parents. I felt afraid that if I didn't meet those expectations, I would somehow be disqualified of their love.
But after some turbulent early friendships growing up, I realized that I couldn't meet all of those expectations. And so, for a while, I just didn't want friends. I would walk around the playground by myself, just watching the other kids laugh and play, thinking and believing I wasn't good enough. Not good enough for friendships, love, or any balanced, "two-way-street" companionship.
Then my Sunday School teacher told me that Jesus was my friend. This was so simple, but I began to imagine Jesus as my companion and I didn't feel so lonely walking around the playground. However, I would still believe that I was not quite good enough to be loved completely by people or by Jesus. I had copied and pasted what I had experienced about relationships into my relationship with God.
Fast forward to my young adulthood (right now); I am learning that God doesn't love us for what we do. He loves us because we ARE. He loves us knowing that we might very well not love him back. He knows that some of us will consider Him as "not good enough" to spend the time to love him. But God loves us anyway.
Christ loved others who hated him. He loved people who rejected him and left him alone, who denied him, who betrayed him, I would even say he loved people who were there just for what was in it for them (like when he fed the crowd the loaves and fish). I need to love those who might hate me, reject me, deny me, betray me, and just want to be with me to see what's in it for them. Doesn't that sound a bit crazy? There is definitely a part of me that says, "Wait a minute. I am supposed to care about people and love people who can hurt my heart? Who will treat me like trash?" Here is what I believe God would say, thus far in my personal journey:
I believe Jesus was able to love those people because he didn't hold expectations on the recipients of His love. He just GAVE his love. No expectation for anything in return.
{Disclaimer: At this point, I am not talking about romantic love, just to be clear! I am talking about loving/caring deeply/sacrificing for other people. Brotherly love, which is a lot like the love for a best friend or family member. Okay, keep reading! :) }
As for loving those who can hurt my heart, I think that can be prevented too. The determining factor of whether it will hurt my heart to love someone comes from where that love is coming from. If I love someone who will hurt me (emotionally, verbally, etc.) from my own strength and mustering it up in my own heart, yeah- it's going to hurt. It will feel like a hunk of my heart is ripped out, stomped on, and thrown into a blender of agony to be pulverized to a ruthless pulp.
But if the love I give away is not from myself, but I am simply passing it on from a Greater Source (God), then I have nothing to loose. I am a messenger. Kind of like a cute little cupid delivering a love message!
The cool thing is that we get to deliver God's love to others. If they reject it, it doesn't have to be personal. If they accept it; however, we get to share in that joy with them and with the Lord. Yay for the joys of life! If they "treat me like trash" as I mentioned earlier- well, we share in Christ's sufferings and are not left alone in those moments. Christ is our companion in all the moments of joy & sorrow & compassion & love.
My personal experience learning about love has been an interesting one. This journey has taken me down some (seemingly) lonesome paths, some great moments of enlightenment, and has cultivated a compassionate heart that wants to show people love. Sometimes, I am still afraid to love. I am afraid that people will say they will never leave me, never stop loving me, and will always be with me. And while yes, there have definitely been people in my life who have said those things and ended up breaking my heart, it has shown me this: People will fail me. They don't always hold to their promises and sometimes they just want to be with you to see what they can get from you. But I have decided that Christ is the ONLY ONE who does not break those promises.
He will never leave me.
He won't stop loving me- ever.
He will always be with me.
I decided that I don't want to view who God is completely based on what other people in my life are like. While God can shine His Character through people, I need to seek Him and a relationship with Him without those prejudices. Furthermore, through Christ gently reminding me that there is no fear in love, I am becoming more and more able to love others. I can love others without fear because I can love them without being hurt by unfair expectation I might be putting on them. I can also love people who absolutely don't deserve it.
When I lean on Christ, I am not afraid of love. I am not afraid because that love cannot be taken away and it cannot be lost. I have nothing to loose.
In a sense, we all need love. (The Beatles had that right!.. cue "All you need is love.") That's why a lot of people feel loneliness and hearts full of ache. Their heart cup needs to be filled up with love.
I just want to encourage you. You are qualified to be loved. You are qualified to be loved right now, right where you are, reading this. Your love cup can overflow with love from the One who loves perfectly and completely. You do not have to be afraid of love anymore. You won't be disqualified from the Most Perfect Love.
We have a God that wants to be our companion. Who wants to love us. He wants us to know that we are loved. The greatest commandment is to love and be loved.
May God guard your heart.
May any fears of love dissipate in your life and may you learn and grow in a love that is greater that yourself.
May you show others a love that has nothing to loose, but everything to gain.
Love (Ironically, but not),
Melissa XOXO
P.S. Shout-out to my friend Deepshika! YOU ARE LOVED!
Well said Melissa. You are so loved not only by God but so many people. God is using you in ways that you may not even know. You will find love and when God finds the right one for you, it will be the best one. Yes there may some that he sends may not be the one, but it will only make you stronger and more to give when the right one is sent by God. You are a wonderful friend to so many and a daughter, and a child of God that many people dream and hope for. I felt the same way when I was young about love, and I wasn't a Christian then so I sometimes wasn't picky and followed the crowd and my friends. After I became a Christian at age 19, my whole outlook changed with dating and love. I put it in Gods hands and he didn't disappoint at all. Yes I dated a few before my husband and when those didn't work I said ok God thank you. God didn't send me Mark until I was 28 and he was 32. I was always told I was a giver and that is what I felt everyone loved me for. My love for and from God has helped me love more than j ever thought I could and that helped me the wife, mother, and friend I was called to be. Take your time and when you find love I can't wait to be on the sidelines to cheer you on and watch you love a man, your children, and your God more than you ever thought you could. Your very special and lived so much by so many. Happy love day, for you is everyday.
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